Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style III
by CandyGirl999
Summary: Iruka hosts a Halloween party at his house. But when the ghost stories backfire it's up to Naruto and the gang to make this the best Halloween party ever. Third instalment.
1. Teddy Without Pity

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto Style III **

Choji: "Good Eeevening. I've been asked to tell you that the following fanfic is very scary, with stuff that might give you nightmares. You see, there are some 'crybabies' out there, religious types mostly, who might be offended. If you are one of them, I advise you to turn off your computer now. Come on I dare you! BOCK BOCK BOCK! BOCK BOCK BOCK! CHICKEN!"

(The computer turns off)

Ino: "Choji, did you just call everyone chicken"?

Choji: "Noooo. I swear on this Bible!"

Ino: "That's not a Bible; that's a book of carpet samples!"

Choji: "Ooooh... Fuzzy."

Ino: "Anyway c'mon we gotta get ready for Iruka-sensei's Halloween party!"

Choji: "Alright I'm coming!"

* * *

It was a dark and cool Halloween night and our very own Iruka Umino was hosting a Halloween party at his house, and everyone was invited! Everyone came, from the Hokage down to the Sand Siblings (at Naruto's request). And everybody was in costume

Iruka was dressed up as Jack Sparrow from the movie _Pirates of the Caribbean_, and had even let his hair down for the occasion. Unfortunately the mustache didn't get come on time so he just went without it.

Naruto was dressed up as Alex DeLarge from the movie _A Clockwork Orange, _with the drupe, can and makeup around his right eye.

Sasuke was dressed as Jack the Ripper complete with top hat, cane and suite (Sakura nearly fainted at Sasuke's handsome attire before they left for Iruka's).

Sakura was dressed up at the Statue of Liberty complete with tiara, torch, and dress.

Kakashi was dressed up as Rikimaru from the popular PlayStation videogame _Tenchu, _donning a tradition ninja outfit (which was hell to get) and left his head band off so it could expose his scared eye (even though Rikimaru's scar is on his right eye), and had even gelled down his hair to make it seem flat.

The Sand Siblings had dressed up in the form of horror movie characters.

Gaara was dressed up as Michael Myers from the horror movie _Halloween. _He was sporting what looked like a blue janitor's uniform and holding a plastic butcher knife with fake blood smeared on it. He didn't wear the mask since (as Kankuro pointed out) he already looked like Michael Myers; he just covered his scar up with makeup and ruffled up his hair a bit.

Kankuro was dressed as Dr Sam Loomis from the same movie; sporting a brown trench coat, fake beard, bald wig and had left off his purple makeup.

Temari was dressed up as Laurie Strode from the same movie, with blue jeans, a white dress shirt and had even let her hair down for the occasion.

_Ding Dong_

"I'm coming!" cried Iruka as he jogged to the door. He opened it revealing Teams 10 and 8.

Shikamaru was dressed up as an astronaut, Ino was dressed as a harem, Choji was dressed as Alfred Hitchcock, and Asuma was dressed as Julius Caesar.

"Behold mighty Caesar!" cries Asuma as he steps through the door, only for his toga to be snagged on a sticking up nail in the door. The nail rips the toga off of him exposing his underwear.

RIIIP!

"In all his glory!" he finished as he made his way towards the center of the living room. Everyone began to laugh at the Emperor's new clothes. Kankuro's being the loudest.

"AAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"

"HA HA!"

Asuma looks down to see his toga gone.

"Dammit!"

"Oh Lord..." groaned Shikamaru as he put his hand over his face and turned away; embarrassed for his sensei.

"Oh Asuma cover yourself! You're traumatizing the children," cried Kurenai as she tossed Asuma's toga over his head. She was dressed as Cleopatra.

"What a way to start the party! Right Hinata?" asked a giggling Kiba, who was dressed as the lion from the _Wizard of Oz._

"Uh...yeah?" replied/asked Hinata, who was dressed as Dorothy from the same movie. She sported the outfit and was carrying a picnic basket with Akamaru's head sticking out (Kiba loaned him to her to make her costume more complete).

"I could have gone without it." was Shino's reply, who was dressed up as the scarecrow from the same movie.

At that moment, Team Guy appeared through the door (which was left opened after Teams 10 and 8 came in).

Lee was wearing traditional Chinese style light blue clothing and was hopping towards Kankruo in a squatting position with his hand in front of him, making a noise that resembled that of a squirrel.

"I am the Chosen One from the popular kung fu movie, _Kung Pow_!" Lee cried in all his youthfulness.

"Big deal!" replied Kankuro while delivering a pain punch to Lee's kidneys.

"OOF!" cried Lee while sinking to the floor and clutching his stomach.

"Kankuro!" yelled Temari as she bonked Kankuro over the head.

"He had it coming," replied Kankuro as he made his way over to the snack table.

"Even at a Halloween party you still manage to make a complete ass out of yourself Lee." said Neji, who was dressed as Dante from _Devil May Cry, _as he helped Lee to his feet.

"I am sorry Neji, but I have to act as youthful as I can until Guy-sensei gets here." replied Lee. Guy was having a hard time finding his costume and had asked the team to go on without him and promised to catch up later.

"Yeah, but did you really have to do that stupid squirrel thing?" asked Tenten, who was dressed as Xena Warrior Princess.

"Stupid party, wish we was trick or treat'n." complained Naruto in an English accent to fit his costume.

"Now Naruto, you can find just as much horror around the house," said Iruka as he pulled up a chair and sat in the center on the living room.

"Now you children may not now, but there was once an evil witch; and she died a horrible death." he said ominously, making everyone in the room sit all around him. Sakura turned out the light as Iruka pulled out a flashlight and shined it on his face.

"These are her eyes," he said as he passed around a pair of squishy circular objects to the other kids, since it was so dark nobody could tell what they were so they just assumed it was eyeballs.

"EWWWWW!" cried the children as they passed the objects around to the person next to them.

"And this is her hair." Iruka continued as he passed around slippery stringy things.

"**EWWWWW!" **the kids cried louder as they felt the slippery strings in between their fingers.

"And these are her brains!" said Iruka as he passed the final object. It was flat, cold and moist.

"Yuck!" cried Neji as he tossed the object over his shoulder the minute it touched his hands; hitting Gaara in the face.

_'Must resist urge to kill.'_ repeated Gaara in his mind.

"Yo, sensei! We haven't got the eyeballs yet," informed Naruto.

"What?!" asked Iruka in shock since he knew that the eyeballs were the first things he passed. He shinned his flashlight towards the crowd, only to discover Choji eating them. The eyeballs were a pair of peas, the hair was a few strands of spaghetti, and the brains were just a piece of stake.

"Choji, you're ruining it!" said Iruka in outrage. Choji slurped up the spaghetti.

"Yeah, well... It was an evil game." said Choji. Iruka got up and flipped on the light.

"Well now we a need another Halloween activity. Hm...Does any one know any ghost stories?" asked Iruka.

"Nope." replied Naruto.

"Nah." replied Sasuke.

"No." replied Gaara.

"Nah uh." replied Ino.

"Not that I know off." replied Neji.

"I am sorry, but no." replied Lee regrettable.

"I do." came Sakura as she made her way towards the center of the living room.

"Oh Sakura my youthful cherry blossom make us proud!" cried Lee with hearts in his eyes.

"Yeah go get 'em Sakura!" cried Naruto with a large smile.

"Billboard Brow telling a ghost story? This I gotta see." said Ino in amazement. Sakura pretended not to hear the insult as she began to talk.

"It's a story about a boy and his teddy bear."

"That's not so scary," said Choji. Sakura smiled evilly.

"A teddy bear... From Hell!"

"I'm gonna go to the store..." said Choji cowardly.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Sakura laughed evilly as she began the story.

_(Story starts)_

In the, oh so well known village of Suna, our very own Gaara was celebrating his birthday party for the first time. Ever since Gaara got the help he needed from Naruto, he and his siblings have gotten closer, and thought that fully celebrating Gaara's birthday would be their way of taking their first steps to being a better family.

"Happy birthday Gaara." said Baki as Gaara opened up his present, revealing more money than you would believe.

"Thanks Baki." replied Gaara in amazement.

"Were did you get the money sensei?" asked Temari who was just as amazed as Gaara.

"The Government. I didn't earn it; I don't need it; but if they miss one payment, I'll raise HELL!" yelled Baki overly dramatic.

"...O...kaaaay..." replied Temari, regretting having asked. Gaara looked at everything; so far he got a new red ninja suit from Temari, the money from Baki all that left was...

"Hey Kankuro, where's your present?" Gaara asked innocently. Kankuro's eyes widened at this.

"D'oh! I mean... D'oh-n't worry bro, I forgot to get you a present. But I swear on father's grave--"

Gaara silently scowled at the mention of his father.

"--I will get you one now!" with that said Kankuro ran out the door in search for a shop.

--

While walking around the village, Kankuro stumbled upon a small convenient store. Being in a rush he didn't bother to read the name of the store; _House of Evil (your one-stop Evil shop)._

While inside Kankuro began looking for the owner, completely ignoring the jars of severed body parts, shrunken heads, and voodoo dolls. He finally found the check out counter.

"Do you sell toys here?" asked Kankuro as an old man dressed in a red cloak and matching hat, he was smoking a pipe.

"We sell forbidden objects from places men fear to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call 'Frogurt'!" said the merchant.

"Well I need something for my little brother's birthday," said Kankuro, completely ignoring the first part of what the man said.

"Ah, perhaps this will please the gentlemen." Replied the merchant as he turns to the shelf behind him to search for something.

When he came to a stop, he pulled a stuffed brown teddy bear off the shelf and presented it to Kankuro; the bear had a string on it's back, indicating that it could talk.

"Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!" said the merchant has he hands Kankuro the bear.

"Ooooh, that's bad," replied Kankuro worried as he took the bear from the merchant.

"But it comes with a free Frogurt!" reassured the merchant.

"That's good," said Kankuro in relief.

"The Frogurt is also cursed." added the merchant ominously.

"That's bad," retorted Kankuro with worry once more.

"But you get your choice of topping!" reassured the merchant.

"That's good," said Kankuro relived once again.

"The toppings contain Potassium Benzoate." said the merchant ominously.

Kankuro stares at him in confusion.

"That's bad," replied the merchant.

"Can I go home now?" asked Kankuro.

--

Back home, Gaara was having a small party and the Konoha 12 was all their. Lee was currently blind folded trying to pin the tail on the donkey picture hanging on the front door.

_'I am going to pin this tail on that donkey using the power of youth, and if I can't I will do five hundred laps around Konoha on my hands! Oh Guy-sensei, if only you were here to see this!' _thought Lee as he was getting closer and closer to the door. But at that moment Kankuro burst in, crushing the poor boy into the wall.

BAM!

"OOF!!"

"Happy Birthday Gaara!" said Kankuro as he handed Gaara his present. The younger of the two took the present and immediately rendered the packaging to shreds. When he opened up the box he took out the teddy and pulled on the string that was hanging from it's back and it began to talk.

_"I'm Talking Teddy, and I love you very much,"_ said the teddy bear in an impossibly cute voice. Gaara smiled.

"Thank you Kankuro, this is the best gift I got all day." thanked Gaara as he pulled his brother into a warm hug. Kankuro in turn returned the hug. Unfortunately Baki, who had a different opinion about the teddy bear, interrupted their brotherly moment.

"That bear is Evil, I tells ya. Evil! Eeeeeeviillll!!!" he shouted in horror.

"Baki, you said that about all the presents." stated Temari.

"I just want attention." Baki whined. The Sand Siblings just stared.

--

The next day Kankuro was sitting on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn, watching the news.

_"...and in environmental new, scientists have announced that Sunagakure's air is now only dangerous to children and the elderly."_

"Well that's two age groups I don't have to worry about anymore," said Kankuro in relief while leaning back into the couch. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Talking Teddy sitting next to him. Just for the heck of it, he picked up the bear and pulled the string.

_"I'm Talking Teddy and I don't like you," _it said.

"Heh heh heh heh." giggled Kankuro, it was kinda cute.

_"I'm Talking Teddy and I'm going to __kill__ you!" _it said, but this time Kankuro didn't pull the string.

"Hee hee hee. Didn't even pull the string that time." said Kankuro, thinking it was some kind of trick with the toy; by boy was he wrong. The bear turned its head to Kankuro and points his figure/PowerPuff Girl arm at him.

_"I said I'm gonna kill you! YOU! Sabaku no Kankuro!" _this time his voice changed from impossibly adorable to deep and sinister.

Kankuro furrows his brow at the bear and dismisses the doll over the side of the couch.

"Oh yeah? With what?" asked Kankuro mockingly. But the bear reappears, brandishing a large butcher knife.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Kankuro as the bear flies through the air on the attack. Gaara and Temari hear this and rush in from the kitchen. When they get to the living room they see, there on the couch, Kankuro cowering opposite from the bear.

"Kankuro, what's wrong?" asked Temari. Kankuro wipes slightly as he points to the 'harmless bear'.

"That bear tried to kill me!" the two stare at him as if he were from another planet.

"I think he's been spending too much time with his puppets." said Gaara as he and Temari make their way back into the kitchen.

"Don't leave me alone with it!" cried Kankuro, but his pleas go unheeded as the bear approaches him, laughing sinisterly.

_"HA HA HA HAH AH HA HA HAH--" _at this point the pull-string ends. Teddy tries to pull it but can't reach. The turns to Kankuro and points at it, indicating that he wanted him to pull it. Kankuro reaches over and pulls the string as Teddy continued to laugh sinisterly.

_"HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAH !!!"_

--

The next day Kankuro was taking a bath. As he scrubbed himself he started to sing.

"My baloney has a first name, its K-A-N-K-U-R-O. My baloney has a second name; it's K-A-N-K-U-R-O..."

At that moment, Talking Teddy emerges out of the bath water, welding a miniature harpoon. Kankuro yelped and jumps out of the tub.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed as he ran nude through the house, passing Temari who was having tea with Ino and Tenten in the kitchen. The three girl's eyes were as wide as plates. Ino was the first one to speak.

"I don't know how to say this Temari...but I don't think I like Sasuke anymore." She said while looking in the direction Kankuro ran, her face as red as a tomato.

"I don't know about to two but there goes the last lingering thread of my heterosexuality," stated Tenten.

"Hermmmm..." groaned Temari in irritation.

--

Later that day Talking Teddy was in Temari's room, chatting with one of her Fashion Fran dolls.

_"Hey baby! Get comfortable. Relaaax. It's a little hot for that cheerleader outfit, don't you think?"_ he said while pulling the doll closer towards him. At that moment Kankuro entered the room with a bag, rope, chains and a suitcase. He grabbed the bear and dropped him in the bag. Teddy stared back at him.

_"You think your dirty socks can stop me?!"_ cried Teddy as Kankuro closes up the bag.

_"Well..."_ continued Teddy but was starting to feel weak. _"they are making me dizzy...Ooooohhh..."_ with that, Teddy passed out. Kankuro smiled in victory.

After locking the sack in the suitcase and securing it with the chains, Kankuro went to the forest and dropped it down the Bottomless Pit.

"Good byeeeee Teddy." he said mockingly as he went back home.

--

"And that's the end of that." Said Kankuro as he made his way home and headed for the front door, unaware of the tiny stowaway on the back of his jump suit. As Kankuro steps inside, two tiny hands cover Kankuro's eyes.

_"Guess who, makeup boy!!"_ shouted Teddy.

"Temari! Temari! Look!" cried Kankuro as he blindedly bumped around, with the doll strapped to his head.

"Oh, my God!" cried Temari as she saw the whole thing from the kitchen.

Kankuro staggered into the kitchen, the bear still strapped to his head.

"The bear's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me!" Kankuro and the killer bear roll about the floor and Kankuro has his face dunked into a bucket of mope water.

"Eeeew! Mope water!" cried Kankuro with disgust. Temari runs to the phone and calls the number on the Talking Teddy box (1-900-DON'T-SUE).

"Your bear is trying to kill my brother!" cried Temari over the phone. There was a pause.

"Yes, I'll hold."

--

Ten minutes later the Teddy Co. repairman comes over and Temari leads him to the kitchen. There they see Kankuro on the floor, the bear yanking at his tongue. Picking up the doll, the repairman identifies the problem.

"Yep, here's your problem." he said while pointing to a Good/Evil switch on the bears back. "Someone set this thing to 'Evil'."

He flips the switch down and places the bear on Kankuro's chest.

_"I love you Kankuro,"_ it said in the impossibly cute voice once again.

"Come here you." replied Kankuro as he pulled the bear into a hug.

--

And soon the bear became a slave to Kankuro's every desire. Kankuro blankly watches TV as Talking Teddy places a tray of food on the coffee table.

_"Here you go, buddy,"_ said Teddy.

"Did you take Gaara to the park?" asked Kankuro, not taking his eyes off the TV.

_"Yeah, he buried me in the sand box a couple of times."_ replied the exhausted bear.

"Yeah, he loves playing in that sand box," replied Kankuro. Teddy grumbles and walks away.

_"Yeah, you stupid idiot."_ he said in a soto voice.

--

At the end of the day, Teddy retires to be with Fashion Fran in Temari's dollhouse.

_"Oooh, what a day. Kankuro made me give him a sponge bath."_ he shuddered as he walked towards Fashion Fran and sits beside her.

_"But coming home to you makes it all worthwhile."_ he said as he planted a kiss on Fran's cheek, but as soon as he did that her head fell off.

_"Oh! Here let me get that,"_ said Teddy as he picked up her head and placed it back on her shoulders. With an arm around his girlfriend, Teddy was content.

_(Story ends)_


	2. King Asuma

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style III**

**A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.**

**Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto**

**The Simpsons belongs to Matt Groening

* * *

**

After Sakura's story, many people were shaken up (especially Kankuro who made a mental note to steer clear of Gaara and any toys he may have), which also inspired everyone else to tell their own. When Iruka asked who wanted to tell the next story, hand began flying everywhere. It was then decided that Asuma would tell the next story; unfortunately it was only ten minutes into the story that Iruka regretted his decision.

While shining a flashlight in his face, Asuma began boring everybody with his own lame attempt at story telling.

"...and his wife comes through the door!" he said in a lame scary voice.

"So?" asked Shikamaru bored. Truthfully only him, Ino, and Choji were really listening (feeling a sense of loyalty to their sensei), everyone else was doing their own thing.

Kakashi was off reading his new Halloween issue of _Make Out Paradise_, Iruka was in the kitchen getting some more sodas, Naruto was enjoying himself at the snack table, along with Sasuke, Kiba, Shino and the Sand Siblings. Kurenai and the girls were talking amongst themselves, Lee was sitting in front of the door waiting for Guy to show up, and Neji was currently napping in the recliner.

"Did I mention that she was dead?" asked Asuma, making sure they were paying attention.

"No." replied Choji, who was as board as his teammates.

"Well, she was." replied Asuma rather sternly as he continued with the story. "Aaaand she hit him in the head with a baseball bat!"

"And?" asked Ino with out a care in her voice. Asuma was now officially annoyed.

"Don't you remember? He played baseball all the time and it really bugged her." he said while turning off the flashlight.

"You said he played basketball!" stated Ino. Asuma's eyes widened.

"Dammit!" he cursed, realizing that he had completely ruined the story.

"Asuma! I've coughed up scarier stuff than that!" stated the Hokage, who just returned from the washroom.

"Old man Hokage, don't you tell us a story? You've led an interesting life," said Naruto as he and the others returned to their seats.

"That's only half the truth Naruto and you know it! But I have seen a _lot_ of movies..." and whether my genjutsu or not, the whole room became black and white.

_(Story starts)_

It was a dark and foggy evening, and Orochimaru and Kabuto were standing on a wharf as if they were expecting someone else. Out of the fog stepped a beautiful young woman with shoulder lenght black hair and red eyes. She approached the two men.

"My name is Kurenai Yuhi. I'm here about your ad." she said while indicating to the paper in her hand. She began to read it.

"Single Konoha female wanted for mysterious expedition. Must like monkeys. Non-smoker preferred."

"Well, you'd be a welcome change of pace from the rest of these crude and uncouth sailors." said Orochimaru while pointing out said sailors on deck attempting to stare each other down while saying 'Aarrr' over and over again.

"What do you think, Kabuto?" asked Orochimaru.

"I think women and sea-men don't mix." Kabuto replied, Orochimaru looked a bit irritated.

"We _know _what you think!" he then turned his attention to Kurenai.

"Young lady, you're hired. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Orochimaru sinisterly.

_"What have I gotten myself into?"_ thought Kurenai.

--

All at sea, Kurenai sunbathes while Kakashi, Guy and Raidou admire the view from the ship's smokestack.

"Hey, I heard we're goin' to Ape Island," stated Guy excitedly.

"Yeah, to capture a giant ape. I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island," stated Kakashi

"Candy Apple Island? What do they got there?" asked Raidou interestedly.

"Apes. But they're not so big." answered Guy.

Anchored off the shore of Ape Island, the native begin chanting the name of their Ape king as they danced around a temple.

"A-SU-MA! A-SU-MA! A-SU-MA!"

"Hey, who's this 'Asuma' guy?" asked Genma, who heard the chanting from the ship.

"He's either a 50-foot prehistoric ape, or a tourist trap concocted by the Ape Island Jaycees," replied Orochimaru. "Either way, we're going ashore." as soon as he said that Kurenai approached them.

"Am I going to?" she asked.

"Of course. We wouldn't think of going without the bait--" Orochimaru stopped himself before he gave everything away.

"Uh, that is, the bait-thing beauty. The bathing beauty! Heh heh. I covered that up pretty well!" he said, the last part more to himself.

--

On the island, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Kurenai were spying on the natives through a bush, who were dancing and chanting "Asuma". Standing before an awesome wooden gateway was the Island Chief, who takes notices of Kurenai, Orochimaru and Kabuto hiding in the bushes.

"Just try to remain inconspicuous." Orochimaru whispered to the two on each side of him.

"Mosi Tatupu! Mosi Tatupu!" said the chief in declaration (translation: The Red-eyed woman will make a good sacrifice.)

"What's he saying?" Kurenai asked Orochimaru.

"He's saying 'we wouldn't _dream _of sacrificing the red-eyed woman'." he lied while smirking at Kabuto.

"Oh, well isn't that ni--WHOA!" but Kurenai didn't get to finish her kind comment as she was grabbed by the natives. Before Kurenai knew it she was clothed in traditional sacrificial garments (i.e.: skimpy clothing) and tied between two pillars on the wrong side of the gates.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Kurenai in fear, knowing what would happen next.

Somewhere on the island, a mile away from the sacrificial spot was King Asuma who was in a battle with a T-Rex. The villagers ring a gong caused the ape to look in that direction, giving the T-Rex enough time to bite him in the forearm.

CHOMP!

"DAMMIT!!" King Asuma screamed as his cry echoed throughout the island.

Five minutes later Asuma goes to investigate the spot were the scream came from, discovering Kurenai tied up in between the pillars.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kurenai as Asuma's giant face leers down at her from the treetops. Nearby, Orochimaru explains to Kabuto the importance of the moment.

"Kabuto, this is a golden opportunity! If we can get him alive, we can put him on Broadway! Dead, we'll sell monkey stew to the Army!"

Back near the sacrificial site, King Asuma was holding Kurenai in his hand and playing with her hair.

"Hee hee hee hee hee...ooooooh." he giggled as he ran his enormous finger through it.

"You keep your hands to yourself mister!" said Kurenai in outrage. Asuma then took a whiff of her hear and purred seductively.

"Tee hee hee!" giggled Kurenai while putting her hand to her mouth, her cheeks as red as apples. Just then Orochimaru ruined their moment of bliss as he sends his army to take the massive ape down from all sides.

"Alright men! Shoot him around the grown and waist line!" instructed Orochimaru as his men began firing at Asuma.

Asuma only feels a stinging sensation from the rifle bullets, and is only mildly distracted when Kakashi fires a ship cannon. Placing Kurenai in a tree, the ape grabs Kakashi and places him in his mouth.

"Hey Asuma, cut it out! Come on! Quit eatin' me!" complained Kakashi as he stuck his upper body out of Asuma's mouth. Guy then fired his rifle, hoping to hit the ape in the face but accidentally hit Kakashi in the arm.

"Ow! Nice shot, Guy!" cried Kakashi sarcastically but then Asuma swallowed him

"No! No!" cried Kakashi as he was eaten. The ape burped as soon as he swallowed.

Elsewhere, Orochimaru uncrates a box of sleeping-gas grenades.

"All right, you big ape...Get a snoot full of this gas bomb!" he throws it but it misses and bounces off a tree and hits him in the face and gets snoot full himself.

Asuma continues to take out the rest of the army while Kabuto prepares a second gas-bomb; next to him Orochimaru was obviously still high from the gas.

"I was strolling through the Gas one day..." he sang as Kabuto through the gas-bomb as Asuma, succeeding as Asuma falls to the ground, out like a light. Kabuto and Orochimaru make their way towards him.

"Nice work, Kabuto! When we get back, I'm giving you a raise!" praised Orochimaru, but as soon as he said that King Asuma swallows Kabuto whole in the blink of an eye. Orochimaru stared wide-eyed at the ape for a while.

"Oh well..." he said as he walked off.

--

Back in Konoha, Asuma was chained and shackled, and brought to Broadway with the 'Chubbiest Kick line in Town'. After dancing girls kick their way off stage, one of the many reporters begins to interview Orochimaru.

"ROOOARRR!! ROOOARRRR!!! Cried Asuma, in rage about being chained up. Kurenai gave the poor thing a sad look.

"What kind of show you got for us, Lord Orochimaru? he asks.

"Well, the Ape's going to stand around for three hours or so. Then we'll close with the ethnic comedy of Duggan and Dirschwitz," replied Orochimaru.

"Sen-sational!" commented the reporter. Orochimaru then walks out before the audience to make his announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen! In his native land he was a King! But he comes before you in chains for your own amusement! Presenting Asuma! The Eighth Wonder of the World!" he announced as the curtains draw back, presenting a terrified Asuma.

"Whoa! Look at the size of that platform!" commented Choza Akimichi as he rudely points to Asuma's platform.

Reporters start taking photographs; unfortunately the flashes are unsettling the giant beast.

"RROOOARR ROOOARRR ROAROROAOR!!!" screams the ape; Kurenai takes notice of this this.

"I think you're making him angry..." she says to the reporter next to her.

"C'mon, what's he gonna do? Run amok in downtown Konoha?" he asks derisively. As soon as he said those famous last words Asuma started breaking free of his bonds.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" everyone screams as he does this, Asuma pausing to scratch himself, and then squashes the screaming reporter who was next to Kurenai. The hysterical crowd flees except for Choza, who courageously walks up to Asuma.

"Hey monkey you wanna peanut?" he asks. Asuma bends down and grabs the whole bag from Choza and eats it.

"I said one!" yelled Choza as he kicks the greedy ape in the foot. Asuma ignores the angry Akimichi as he crashes through more walls and searches the village in search of a certain red-eyed woman.

In a hotel suite, Orochimaru was deeply shaken by the recent events.

"I'm dreading the reviews, I can tell you that." he with his head in his hands. He was talking to Kurenai who was sitting next on the bed next to him. Just then Asuma's giant angry eye peeks through the window.

"Oh hi Asuma!" Kurenai cheerfully waved. Asuma reaches his arm into the room and takes a screaming Kurenai in his hand, and starts to climb the building. As he gets up half way he could see Planes circling overhead.

"Ooooh..." groans the ape, knowing he would have a difficult time.

In the sky, the pilots wait patiently for the giant ape to reach the top.

"He's sure taking his sweet time." Said one of the pilots.

"Better refuel." Said the one next to him as all the other planes fly back to base.

Down below, Asuma continues to climb but begins sweating profusely. Kurenai takes notice of this.

"You know you look a little flushed. Maybe you should eat more vegetables and less people..." she said.

"Uh huh..." groaned Asuma in agreement.

Exhausted, he places Kurenai on a ledge and falls a few feet to the pavement. A crowd gathers as Orochimaru and Kurenai approach the body. Kurenai feels for Asuma's breath with her hand.

"He's not dead!" she states.

"No, but his career is. I remember when the Toad Sage Jiraiya ran amok at the Winter Garden and climbed the Hokage Monument, after that he couldn't get arrested in this village." said Orochimaru as he walked off.

"Awwwwwooooo..." moaned Asuma, tired from the resent events.

"Don't worry, Asuma. I'll take care of you," said Kurenai in a kind voice.

--

Several months later the news is out to the whole village that Kurenai Yuhi and King Asuma were to be married.

At church, the family and friends of the bride and groom watch as the couple exchange vows. Afterwards, they have their picture taken.

"Folks, if you could just stop cleaning each other for a second..." said the photographer to Asuma's relatives as he begins to take the picture.

"Wait, wait Kurenai, I can't find your father!" said Mrs. Yuhi worried. Kurenai looks up and sees a leg disappear in Asuma's mouth. The ape burps as he looks to Kurenai worriedly. The red-eyed woman just smiled kindly at him.

"Oh Asuma..."

_(Story ends)_


	3. Dial Z for Zombies

**Treehouse of Horror: Naruto style III**

**A/N: I do not own Naruto or the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror**

**Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto**

**The Simpsons belongs to Matt Groening

* * *

**

It was already 11:00 and everyone was taking a break from the ghost stories (that is until someone can think of another one). By this time Iruka was handing out candy apples to everyone.

"Yuck! What the hell is this crap?!" gagged Kankuro after taking a bite of the caramel apple.

"Kankuro!" hissed Temari, outraged by Kankuro's rude behavior.

Kankuro takes a look at the apple he bit into.

"No wonder it tastes so nasty! These are those crab apples!" with that comment Kankuro threw the apple across the room. Iruka jerked his head back just in time to see the apple smash against the wall into little pieces.

"WHOAH!" yelped Iruka, knowing that if his head were a few centimeters forward he would have gotten the lights knocked out of him.

"Hey, who did that?!" yelled Naruto, rising from his position on the couch at once ready to defend, because ANYBODY who messed with Iruka would have to deal with him.

Kankuro was about to point at Gaara and blame him but unfortunately for him Gaara beat him to it.

Point

THWAK!

"OUCH!"

"Naruto!" yelled Iruka.

"DAMN YOU GAARA!" cursed Kankuro who was nursing his wounded head

"Serves you right Kankuro!" Temari interjected.

Before the argument could press forward a man with his head resting on his chest and blood spurting from the neck stump jumps through the front door.

"Awwwwwwooo Ooooooogh!" groaned the man.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" everybody screamed.

The Sand Siblings took cover under the snake table, Team 10 hid behind the couch, Team 8 ran into the kitchen, Team 7 got behind the stairs, Team Guy ran upstairs, and the Hokage and the sensei's got into fighter stances ready to face the monster. Before anyone could make a move, a head pops out from the neck. It was Might Guy!

"Hey everybody! Did I scare you all or what?!" said Guy with is nice guy pose.

"Guy-sensei! You made it!" cried Lee as he raced into his sensei's arms.

"Sorry I took so long, I had trouble finding my costume." he replied while hugging his cute student.

"Damn you sensei! You scared my cousin to death!" yelled Neji, who along with Kiba, Shino and Tenten, was comforting a crying Hinata. Kurenai walked over to the two Hyugas and began strocking Hinata's hair.

"It's alright now Hinata," she cooed.

"I am so sorry, but you got to admit it was a good Halloween scare. Kakashi, my rival I could see the color drain from your face. Don't deny it!" said Guy with a wide grin.

"Sorry...Did you say something?" asked Kakashi, who's face was currently in his book once again.

"GUAH! Again you one up me with you're hip and cool attitude!" cried Guy with a fist shaking in the air.

"Gaara, it's okay it wasn't a real monster." comforted Temari, but Gaara still wouldn't come out from under the snack table. Not only did the zombie costume scare him, but also it was that creepy busybody Konoha sensei that was underneath it.

"Sasuke, I'm flattered that you are using me for comfort, but we need to get up now." said Sakura who currently had Sasuke's face buried in her bosom. He was shaking terribly.

"Nice try Guy-sensei," said Naruto as he came out from his hiding place and took a sit on the couch. "But I've got a story so scary you'll wet your pants!"

"Too late." said Choji. Ino, Shikamaru as well as everybody else in the room shifted away from the chubby ninja.

_(Story start)_

At the Ninja Academy everybody was giving a book report, and lets just say Naruto isn't doing so well.

"From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, _Baby's First Pop-up book_ is filled with 26 pages of alphabetic adventure!" concluded the blond ninja as he flipped through the pop-up book in front of the class and went back to his seat.

"Naruto, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers?" asked Iruka in disbelief.

"Well, most of it." replied Naruto.

"You have to read another book," commanded Iruka sternly.

--

In the Konoha library, Naruto begins looking over a _Were's Waldo _book.

"Find Waldo Yet Again," read Naruto as he opened the book to see Waldo just standing right in from of him on a clear beach.

"Man, he's not trying anymore!" He looks around and notices the Occult wing of the library. Candles lighted up the entrance.

"Gee, I never notice that before." he commented as he makes his way towards it. It was unusually dark in that section so Naruto barrowed one of the candles (that was sticking out of a human skull).

As the blond ninja begins wandering the wing a red book flies out from the shelf, striking Naruto in the back of the head.

BONK!

"OWW!"cried the blond as he fell to his knees. When he looks down he notices the red book.

"Hey what's this?" he asks himself while picking it up. The title of the book was _The Time Life Book of Magic and Spells, Vol.II_. When Naruto opens the book four apparitions appear form the pages.

_**"Evil!...EVIL!...MADNESS!...Beware!...BEWARE!" **_warned the heads in ghoulish voices.

"Cool!" exclaimed Naruto while slamming the book shut.

_**"Oww!...OWWW!...oww!...OWWW!" **_cried the spirits in pain.

--

At the Uchiha compound Naruto was in Sasuke's room, eagerly reading from the book of magic while Sasuke grieves over a photo of his parents.

"Chapter 8; Let's talk zombies. If a zombie bites you, you'll become a zombie. You must walk the earth, feeding on the brains of the living until the spell is broken." read Naruto.

"Naruto, please." said Sasuke in annoyance. "Don't you remember that my mom and dad died six years ago tonight? Killed by my bastard of an older brother Itachi."

"Hey, maybe there's a spell in here that will bring them back from the dead?" said Naruto. Sasuke stares at the blond ninja in disbelief as he flips through the pages.

"Let's see what we got. How to get your skeletons their whitest. Selling your soul in a buyers' market. Ahh, here we are: How to raise the dead. MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Lightning flashed outside the window.

--

Late at night at the Konoha Cemetery, a full moon and stiff breeze provide the right conditions. Naruto was wearing a black cape and a Michael Jackson album cover on his head. Sasuke anxiously stares at his parent's graves with his hands folded in his chest.

Naruto raised a hand in the air as he recites the spell.

"Collin..Rayburn..Nars..Trebek!" more lightning flashed, this time Naruto raised both hands in the air.

"Zabars..Kresge..Caldor..Walmart!" as the last syllable leaves his mouth, lightning strikes all the tombstones ten feet away. Zombies appear out of their graves.

Sasuke continues staring at his parent's graves.

"It's not working." he sighed in disappointment. The sad raven turned around only to see the zombies coming towards them.

"Naruto! You cast the wrong spell--ZOMBIES!" he cried.

"Please Sasuke, they preferred to be called the 'Living Impaired'". corrected Naruto.

--

On their bicycles, Naruto and Sasuke ride with the wind as the zombies give chase. A group of zombies knock at Guy's door. Guy answers it.

"Well hello there strangers, what can I do you for?" he asked.

"BRAINS! BRAINS! BRAINS!" moaned the zombies as they stepped inside his house. Guy quickly recognized one of them.

"Hayate Gekko?! I thought you were dea--AAAUGH!!"

--

Stopping their bicycles, Naruto and Sasuke run towards the front door of a house and began banging on it. The door opened revealing Kakashi Hatake, Make Out Paradise book at hand.

"Kakashi, we did something very bad!" said Sasuke. Kakashi takes his nose out of his book and frowns.

"Did you vandalize the Hokage Monument again?" he asked, eyeing Naruto.

"Nooo!" cried said boy.

"Did you raise the dead?" he asked, still frowning.

"Yesss!" cried Sasuke.

"But the monument's okay?" he asked, more frowning.

"Uh-huh." replied the two boys.

"All right then." replied Kakashi in relief as he walked inside, the boys followed.

--

Within a few minutes it was out to the whole village that zombies were on the loose. Families, villagers and ninjas did everything they could to take them out but they just wouldn't die. It got so bad that some kids had to be sent to stay with properly trained ninjas for protection, Sakura Haruno being one of them.

--

At the Nara residents, Shikamaru answered the front door (that was being knocked at), and their stood an ANBU Black Ops agent, who was obviously zombiefied.

"Shikamaru Nara, the Hokage has asked for you to report to his office at once. And to bring that big juicy shogi genius brain of yours." he said ghoulishly.

"You think I'm dumb enough to fall for that?" asked Shikamaru while closing the door.

--

At Kakashi's house, Team 7 began boarding up the windows.

"Naruto, did you barricade the door?" asked Sakura, because Naruto was currently sitting on the couch watching t.v.

"Why? Oh, the zombies. No." at that moment the back door collapses inward, revealing the zombies.

"Aaaaaaaagggggggh!" screamed everyone. Naruto jumped in front of his team and formed hand signs.

"Get out everybody, I'll try to hold them off!" he yelled.

"What the hell are you saying Naruto?! You can't do this alone!" yelled Sasuke.

"Look, if I use my Shadow Clone jutsu I'll be able to fend them off easily, I'll catch up with you all in a minute I promise!" said Naruto.

"All right, but you be careful Naruto!" said Kakashi as he and the other two ran upstairs.

"You want some brain?! Well come and get them!" cried Naruto, full of confidence. One of the zombies got up behind the orange clad ninja and began poking his head; it made a disgruntled face.

"BRAINS!" it screamed in outrage while pushing Naruto away and leaving the house with the rest of the zombies, who were also angered at the fact that they couldn't find a brain. Naruto looked pissed.

"YEAH! WELL YOU'RE UGLY!!" with that said Naruto ran upstairs. When Naruto reaches Kakashi's bedroom he finds Sasuke and Sakura huddled together on the bed and Kakashi digging through his closet for something. Naruto puts his head in his hands and slids down the door. His bottom connects to the floor as he sits in a squatting position.

"I though dabbling in the Black Arts would be good for a chuckle, how wrong I was. I should have never read that book," said Naruto miserably.

Sasuke's head perks up in realization.

"Naruto, maybe the library has another book that will reverse the spell?" said Sasuke.

"It's our only hope!" seconded Sakura.

Kakashi comes out from the closet finally finding what he was looking for. It was his old katana from when he was in ANBU.

"To the book depository!" declares Kakashi while unsheathing his sword.

The team cautiously makes their way outside but is stopped by a zombiefied Might Guy.

"Kakashi my rival! I'm feeling a mite peckish. Mind if I chew your EAR?" he says the last part sinisterly.

Kakashi draws out his katana and slices Guy's head clean off. The three rookies gasp.

"Kakashi, you just killed the zombie Guy!" said Sasuke in amazement.

"He was a zombie?!" asked Kakashi in shock.

--

Meanwhile, a Flying Saucer hovers above the Earth.

"The zombies have the Earthlings on the run." said Cronos to Jorell.

"Soon the human race will wither and fold. Like the Earth plums we've seen on the Observe-a-scope."

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"

--

Below, Team 7 charges their way past a zombified Kiba, Hinata and Shino as the three give zombie Hokage's head the boot

"Owww! Careful! Not the face!" he cried.

Kakashi leads as they bust through the entrance and storm down the Academy's corridor, when zombies began bursting form the classrooms.

Kakashi took down a zombie Iruka, Anko, Genma and a few others before finding Jiraiya chomping down on an arm.

"Jiraiya, not you too?!" cried Kakashi in horror.

"I'm not a zombie," Jiraiya said simply. "It's just that this guy disrupted my research and I decided to get back at him." the perverted sage turned around and his eyes widened in shock.

"Oh my gosh! The First Hokage!" he yelled pointing to the zombiefied founder of Konoha, who was staggering through the hall.

"Forgive me for this First Lord!" cried Kakashi as he charged and impaled the dead Hokage with his katana.

The zombiefied Second Hokage burst out of a classroom and made his way towards Kakashi.

"Forgive me Second Lord!" Kakashi said as he impaled said zombie.

And to the masked ninja's own horror the zombiefied Fourth Hokage stepped out of a locker.

"Sensei...I am truly sorry for this..." with that Kakashi closed his eyes and stabbed the man, he had thought of as a second father. The Hokage falls to the floor.

"Great I come all this way to see my son and now I have to go back in the hole!" grumbled the Fourth as he collapses.

--

In the occult section of the library, Sasuke and Sakura watch anxiously as the zombies smash their way into the room. Naruto searches frantically for the right book until he finds it.

"Hurry Naruto!" cried Sakura. Naruto began to chant the spell.

"Kolchak..Mannix..Banacek..Dano!" and right before Naruto and Sasuke's eyes, Sakrua turns into a slug. The two boys gasp and take a step back.

"What's wrong?" asked the pink, unaware of her condition.

"I...I..." stammered Naruto, trying to find the right words that won't get him beat up.

"He's never realized what a beautiful young woman you've become." Sasuke covered.

"Ahh." blushed Sakura. Naruto flipped through the book and found the correct spell.

"Trojan..Ramses..Magnum..Sheiks!" with that said, a brilliant blue light bursts froth from the book, Sakura turns back to normal as the lights dispersed throughout Konohagakure. Fearing the enchanted light, the zombies return to their graves and those who became zombies were turned back to normal.

--

The next day, the Hokage makes an address to everyone in the village square.

"The zombies that plagued our town are now just corpses rotting in our streets."

The crowd of people cheer.

--

At Kakashi's house, everything was back to normal. Team 7 was sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Well, I'm sure glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies," said Sakura in relief.

"Shhhhh...TV." said Naruto zombie-like.

A flop sound was heard from the TV.

"Man..Fall..Down...Funny!" said Sasuke also zombie-like.

"Mmmmmm..." mumbled everybody.

THE END.


End file.
